I have camped in far-away places, in harsh climates with the strangest of camping partners, but there’s no greater challenge than winter camping during a zombie apocalypse!

And there are benefits as well to camping during Nordic zomboid-apocalyptic times. 

While city-slicker co-workers are becoming fast food for hungry hordes of mindless zombies, you can quietly dine on dehydrated cuisine in the great outdoors without the uninvited undead.


Camping during the next undead human buffet is one of the safest things to be doing, even safer during the deep freeze of Canada’s winter. Though the zomboid virus effectively kills the human host, zombies still have blood flowing in their rotting veins, and it freezes rock solid when the mercury dips.

So, like frogs, the undead freeze during winter and reanimate with the spring thaw. These stiff stiffs – zom-cicles if you prefer – are rendered benign and easy to avoid. So winter is a joyous time. 

But a caution: Not all zombies become zom-cicles. If they become infected while wearing winter survival gear, or quality ski clothing or are trapped in a warm structure such as a Gatineau Park yurt, they may not freeze and will remain a threat. Remain vigilant.

So during the next zombie infestation, load up your snow-tired Subaru with all the granola you can carry and head for the backwoods winter wonderland.

These tips will help you survive.

Identifying a Zombie

Exercise extreme caution if you suspect zombism. There are tell-tale signs, like violent rages. Zombies are a fury to feed and will eat all and any living flesh – animals, people, and even lawyers. 

They also suffer the loss of memory, speech and IQ and cannot communicate beyond basic moans, groans and grunts. They appear not to recognize people, places, and things formerly familiar. Memory loss and IQ reduction are profound and absolute, similar to that of a newly elected politician. People with zombism may appear to be drug users, drunks, dazed or Charlie Sheen.


They lose coordination, and bowel and bladder control. But despite this, they are still capable of sudden, quick movements. Never underestimate a zombie. 

To reduce the likelihood of an unpleasant encounter with a zombie consider the following tips.

Zombies winter
Winter Zombies shouldn’t be underestimated!

Zombie Prevention Tips: 

  • Go camping.
  • Wear a red rubber clown nose. Zombies will assume you taste funny.
  • Wear aftershave. It smells much like the un-dead. If cornered, slather it on and zombies will assume you are one of them, and leave.
  • Bring a slow-moving friend. In a foot chase, the un-dead will catch the hindmost.
  • Wear light hiking boots so you can outrun zombies or at least your slow-moving friend.
  • Buy an armoured RV. This takes planning and money, but could save your life!
  • Camp above the tree line. A functioning zombie has never been found above the tree line.
  • Take snowshoes. If zombies approach, strap them on and head for deep snow. Zombies can’t handle it.
  • Take trekking poles as defence weapons.
  • Never sleep.

Prepare ahead of time

There is nothing that says “I love you” more than a Zombie Survival Kit. Make one for your loved ones and for your zomboid escape vehicle – it’s fun for the whole family and can help out even in non-zomboid emergencies.

Include these items:

  • road flares – three should be enough
  • lighter, and/or matches in a waterproof container
  • drinking water
  • purification tabs – for the long haul 
  • fire-starters, home-made or commercial cubes like Wetfire or Esbit
  • chemical hand- and foot-warmers
  • a knife or multitool
  • a candle to warm hands, heat a drink or light a space
  • small flashlight with fresh batteries
  • first aid kit 
  • two large orange garbage bags for shelter and rescue visibility
  • one space blanket for each person 
  • a sleeping bag for every two people
  • whistle
  • chocolate, canned nuts, or freeze-proof food in a mouse-proof container
  • jumper cables 
  • small collapsible snow shovel
  • road salt 
  • extra tuques, gloves, socks and boots 
  • gas line anti-freeze 
  • maps, compass and/or GPS to get you home
  • gas in a tank kept at least half full, plus a jerry can of extra
  • cellphone and radio 
  • solar battery pack and charger for electronics 

This way you can stay safe and warm, prepared for a zombie pandemic or any winter emergency in your car.

* NOTE: The article was previously published in OTTAWA OUTDOORS MAGAZINE (winter issue page 48) 

* Special Thanks for the “winter zombie” artwork by Keith Milne & Gord Coulthart



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